Experiencing grief and loss causes pain. This pain is chameleon-like: on any given day it's many colors may include fear and anxiety; loneliness and sadness; numbness and 'stuckness'; or anger and avoidance. It is fickle and unpredictable and can occupy one's thoughts with no notice. It is not a respecter of persons and it is non-discriminating: all people who grieve losses come to know this pain. It is one's unwelcome companion upon grief's journey.

There are no quick fixes to the pain of loss, but there are ways of coming to understand in order to better cope with it. By doing so, some of its suffering may be avoided. It is important to understand that emotional pain generates momentum: once we feel that pang of sadness or loneliness, our mind takes it and runs with it. The voice of our inner dialogue could sound something like this: "Will this sadness ever go away? What if the rest of my life is like this? I don't think I could survive it. What will happen to me?" The more we resist the original moment of sadness, the more we hurt...the more we suffer. A wonderfully helpful equation is this: Pain + Resistance = Suffering. Tara Brach offers its companion: Pain + Presence = Freedom. I want to suggest to you a five step process of becoming more present to yourself when you are in emotional pain, which will help you move beyond its most potent sting and find comfort faster.

1. STOP. When you first notice the pain, stop and breathe. Acknowledge it. Ask yourself where you feeling the pain (Is it in your head? Your stomach? Your heart?) Don't run from it.
2. TOUCH. Touch that place gently with your hand. Hold it there. Feel with warmth of your hand upon the pain. Allow this touch to remind you that though you may hurt now, you will be okay. Be especially gentle with yourself in this moment.
3. LISTEN. As you hold the pain, ask yourself what it might be telling you. Let it teach you.
4. BE STILL. Allow yourself to be still. Attend to yourself from that still space. Continue to listen. Do I just need to feel sad right now? Do I need more rest? Am I thirsty? Would wrapping myself in a quilt bring me comfort?
5. ACT. After reflecting in the quiet and being present with the pain, try to find an action or two which might bring you comfort or relief. Do I need to phone a friend? Write in my journal? Pet the cat? Take a brisk walk? Just cry?

Just by entering into this process you will have broken both the momentum of the pain as well as its power to keep an extended hold on you which can only cause extended suffering. The good news is that with practice, emotional pain will yield to comfort more rapidly.

Your immune system is an amazing biological wonder that quietly works behind the scenes to protect you against infections and a host of other diseases. Researchers have long recognized strong connections between the quality of social relationships people have and the health and function of their immune system. Although we don't completely understand just how social relationships affect health and immune function we do know that people with better social connections enjoy a longer, more healthy and more satisfying life overall than those who are more socially isolated. Additional, several studies have shown consistent and compelling evidence linking a low quality of social connections with the development and progression of numerous conditions including cardiovascular disease, atherosclerosis, high blood pressure, heart attacks and cancer.

The effects of social connection are significant and measurable as demonstrated by a 2001 Study by Brummett and colleagues which demonstrated that among adults with coronary artery disease, patients who were socially isolated had an increased risk of cardiac death that 2.4 times greater than the risk for their socially connected peers. Another study which reviewed data from over 300,00 adults found that the lack of strong relationships increased the risk of premature death from all causes by over 50%, which is roughly equivalent to the increased risk of death caused by smoking 15 cigarettes a day! Although researchers don't understand exactly how improved social connections effect health ,there are three general ways that social ties influence health including physiological, psychological and behavioral.

Your body is a living machine with numerous systems in place to promote and regulate your health including your nervous system, endocrine system and immune system. Healthy relationships have been shown to produce direct physiological benefits in how these systems respond under stress that involve many complex chemical interactions with substances including endorphins and encephalitis which help your body deal with stress, anxiety and pain. Psychological benefits of increased social interactions are manifested through increased social support and the obvious mental health benefits of meaningful relationships. Healthy behaviors such as balanced diets and exercise tend to promote health whereas other behaviors such as smoking, drug abuse, and heavy alcohol consumption tend to have adverse effects on health. Multiple studies have shown that those who are socially connected with friends, family and a faith community are more likely to choose healthy behaviors and avoid unhealthy ones.

Strong social connections are vital to your overall health. It is not just the presence of these relationships but the quality of them that determine the ultimate health benefits you will receive. Healthy relationships provide improved mental and physical health and discourage many of the unhealthy behaviors such as drug and alcohol addiction which exact huge tolls on individuals, families and society at large. In an are of increasing costs associated with health care, increasing your social connection with family, friends and your faith community is one of the easiest and lease expensive strategies available to promote a more healthy and happy life. Best of all you don't need to visit your doctor to get a prescription or purchase any special equipment to begin!