Inevitable Giving-
Inevitable Transformation

By: Dr. Lynn Euzenas

Director of Spiritual Care & Bereavement Services

I just came upon a holiday card I'd saved beacuse it made me laugh. THe card had a title reading "Inevitable Re-Gifting." It showed two friends exchanging gifts. One had just opened a box and was holding a boomerang above his head. He looked at his friend, and said, "Say isn't this the gift I got you last year?"

Re-gifting aside, giving can be a profound act. Whether we recognize it or not, giving is deeply tied to our human processes of self-discovery and finding a purpose for our lives, because giving is a soul action. As you consider the presentation of a gift, you are (in a large or small way) giving a piece of "you" to the recipient. You gift your affection or love for that person, your dedication to a cause or an ideal, or perhaps a shared sense of purpose for who you are and for who they are in the world. Your gift can be a silly token of shared memory, or a heart-filled desire for transformation, hope, and healing.

Educator Parker Palmer, reflecting on the aging process, writes of trying to find meaning in the midst of a strong sense of needing to strip away all the non-essential things in his life: what would he have to let go of in order to find peace? After reflection with friends, he was surprised at the sole answer which had been given to him. He found that the "big question" wasn't just, "What do I want to let go of?" It was this: "What do I want to let go of, and what do I want to give myself to?" He notes that this understanding of giving "transformed every-thing" bringing "energy, abundance, trust, and new life."

I have always loved the poet Mary Oliver's challenge: "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Deciding to live out of the place of knowing what you want to give yourself to, and giving from that place, makes for inevitable transformation.

As you give the gift of yourself to the world, what ripples will you cause? What lives will be changed? What hopes will be seeded? Imagine the possibilities.

What We Regret Most...and Why

Dr. Leslee B. Cochrane

Executive Medical Director

"An unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates

In a fascinating scientific review paper titled: What we Regret Most... and Why[i], authors Neal J. Roese and Amy Summerville from the University of Illinois conducted an extensive review of 9 different scientific studies regarding what people regret the most about their life with the goal of analyzing the results to better understand why that is the case. In their analysis they found that the sixbigest regrets expressed by Americans were grouped into the categories listed below in descending order:

Education: school, studying, getting good grades
(e.g., "If only I had studied harder in college")

Careers: jobs, employment, earning a living
(e.g., "If only I were a dentist")

Romance: love, sex, marriage
(e.g., "I wish I'd married Jake instead of Edward")

Parenting: interactions with offspring
(e.g., "If only I'd spent more time with my kids")

Self: improving oneself in terms of abilities, attitudes, behaviors
(e.g., "If only I had more self-control")

Leisure: sports, recreation, hobbies
(e. g., "I should have visited Europe when I had the chance")

While it was interesting to see the ranking of what people most regret, I was intrigued to discover that the research suggested that the primary factory responsible for producing regret is opportunity. The researchers concluded that the areas in life that contain people's biggest regrets are those which presented the greatest opportunity for corrective action. We tend to think of opportunity as something very good and regret as something very bad. So how could something as wonderful as opportunity cause something so negative as regret?

The researches conclude their study by noting: "Opportunity breeds regret, and so regret lingers where opportunity existed..." In other words, it is not what we regret that seems to matter the most, it is why we regret it. Perhaps this is what Socrates meant when he wrote about the "unexamined life". Although the researchers did not make any recommendations on how to live a life with fewer regrets, it would seem that we would all do well to heed the advice of Socrates and avoid the trap of being so buys living our lives that we don't regularly take the time to reflect and examine them. Despite whatever opportunities we may have missed in the past; personal reflection allows us to see the opportunities presented each day and make the most of every opportunity. According to Socrates, this is an essential ingredient to a life well lived. Or to put it another way - do your giving while you are living so you are knowing where it is going!

[1] What We Regret Most ... and Why; Neal J. Roese, Amy Summerville;
Pers Soc Pyschol Bull. 2005 Sep; 31 (9): 1273-1285. doi: 10.117/0146167205274693

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