Newsletters Archive - Hospice of the Valleys

March Newsletter 2023

I grew up watching the TV comedy series, "Hee Haw." I've often quoted a chorus I remember well, "gloom, despair, and agony on me; deep dark depression, excessive misery. If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all, gloom, despair, and agony on me." It was a catchy tune sung by four depressed hillbillies who were down on their luck... an obvious exaggeration of their disappointments!

I wish I could turn all my disappointments into comedy sketches and just laugh them off but that that is unrealistic. So, I offer these thoughts for dealing with disappointment:

Share your disappointment with someone you trust. I like to think there is truth in the idiom, "a joy shared is twice the joy, and a sorrow shared is half the sorrow." Disappointment often feels like sorrow and a trusted friend can make a huge difference in the weight of that burden. Trust is the key to using this tool as disappointments are carried in your heart. A trusted friend knows this and received your disappointment with gentle kindness.

Study your disappointment for something to learn from and grow by. I remember being so disappointed with myself when, in my undergraduate studies as a pre-dentistry major, I hated my zoology and chemistry courses. The disappointment was so deep that I dropped out of college mid-semester. Looking back, I have often laughed at my impatience with working with my hands in small spaces - even crashing my fist down onto a model car that I couldn't get a part into. It would not be funny if that was someone's mouth that got the brunt of my frustration!

While the lesson took some time to learn, I was being led into a career far more suited to my skill-set. During this time my faith became the most important subject on my mind. My trusted person was a cousin who met with me after I had returned to college with an undeclared major. When he asked me what I was going to do now that I wasn't going to be a dentist, I said, "I don't know, I guess business or something." He said, "I see you much more as a people-person than a paper-person. I challenge you to go into ministry."

Disappointments will always find us... that is just life. In my experience disappointments have led to some amazing discoveries someone else has helped me find. There is great joy in being that someone else for the disappointed!

This past week, we made our annual "spring forward" into Daylight Savings Time! Although I enjoy the extra hour of sunlight at the end of the day; my tired body does not enjoy "springing" out of bed an hour earlier in the morning. Although most people adjust to the time change smoothly, not getting enough sleep will take a tool on your health. According to Johns Hopkins sleep researcher, Patrick Finan, Ph. D., sleep deprivation has been associated with numerous adverse health outcomes including[i]:

50% greater risk of obesity in those who get less than 5 hours sleep
48% increased risk for heart disease
36% increased risk for colorectal cancer
33% increased risk for dementia
3 times greater risk for diabetes
3 times more likely to catch a cold
6,000 fatal motor vehicle deaths per year due to drowsy drivers

Inadequate sleep has also been identified as a risk factor in stroke and heart attacks; with patients who get less than 6 hours of sleep per night being twice as likely to experience a heart attack or stroke as those receiving 7-9 hours of sleep per day.

According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, how much sleep you need depend on your age[ii]:

Newborns need to sleep between 14 and 17 hours a day
School-aged children need 9 to 12 hours of sleep each night
Teens need 8 to 10 hours of sleep each night
Adults need at least 7 hours of sleep each night

Over the past several years, research has demonstrated numerous positive health benefits to good quality sleep including a few that I have listed below:

Improves immune function with decreased sickness from colds and flu
Improves the regulation of appetite control and enhances weight loss
Lowers the risk for serious health problems such as heart disease and diabetes, and reduces stress and depression
Improves performance in school and at work
Decreases accidents and injuries

Although it is not clear whether or not daytime naps provide the same benefits provided by a good night's sleep, numerous studies have shown that day time naps can improve learning and memory. Some sleep experts feel that the ideal nap is between 20 - 30 minutes; but naps as short as 6 minutes have shown positive improvement in memory enhancement. IN case the idea of taking a nap makes you feel guilty, I would like to point out that several famous historical figures took regular naps including Aristotle, Leonardo Da Vinci, Thomas Edison, Winston Churchill and Albert Einstein. My parting advice to you would be if you can't beat them, join them.

February Newsletter 2023

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, love is in the air and the thoughts of many turn to romance and relationships. There is a growing body of research, which demonstrates many positive health benefits of long-term loving relationships. For example, a study in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine found that happily married participants had lower blood pressures than did single people. Not surprisingly, unhappily married individuals had the worst blood pressures of all. The US Department of Health and Human Services Report noted that married people enjoy better health as evidenced by a lower incidence of depression, substance abuse, fewer doctors' visits and shorter hospital stays than did their single counterparts.

Loving long-term relationships have also been shown to have beneficial effects on the immune system. A study done by Carnegie Mellon University found that people who exhibit positive emotions are less likely to get sick when exposed to cold or flue viruses. Another study published in the Archives of General Psychiatry by researchers at Ohio State University found that skin wounds healed twice as fast in couples who interacted warmly as compared to those who demonstrated hostility toward each other. Being married has been correlated with a longer life expectancy as well. According to the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS), married couple live longer than singles and longevity gap between the two groups has been growing over the last decade.

Although further research is needed to more fully understand the benefits of loving long-term relationships, one explanation of these benefits may be due to the beneficial effects on reducing anxiety and promoting bonding. A study conducted by researchers at the State University of New York at Stony Brook used functional MRI scans to look at the brains of people in long-term loving relationships. They found that couples with strongly connected long-term relationships had an increased activation in the part of the brain known as the dopamine-reward area, which promotes a general sense of well being and happiness. There was also an increase in the activation of the area associated with bonding which produces favorable results including decreased negative responses to anxiety and stress related symptoms.

A study in the Journal of Family Psychology shows that happiness depends more on the quality of family relationships than on economic status or level of income. Valentine's Day is a wonderful reminder to all of us the importance of love and affection in nurturing long-term loving relationships. An investment in building loving relationships is an investment in your health, which will result in better health and greater happiness.

When I was a teenager I thought like a teenager... and true love, in my youthful way of thinking was more like the feelings Thumper described to Bambi as being "twitterpated." And even though much of the "love" associated with Valentine's Day is far closer to the feelings of being twitterpated, the actual meaning of true love has more to do with actions toward the wellbeing of the object of your love than feelings of butterflies in your tummy.

True love involves compassion. When the word "compassion" is dissected it literally means "to suffer with another." Our brave participants in the bereavement groups have learned the essence of compassion by knowing the suffering of the death of a loved one. When their "true love" has been separated from the by death, the suffer the loss. Acknowledging their grief and handling the suffering associated with it deepens their ability to be present, truly present with someone suffering loss. True love involves suffering together with the object of your love.

True love involves gratitude. It seems that the wisest authors in the world have found that giving thanks for whatever or whoever is an antidote for sorrow and distress. Poetry and wisdom often express this truth, especially in the Scriptures that I grew up with. I've been married long enough to know that disappointments, disagreements, and shared losses are common factors of our marriage, yet I find myself giving thanks daily that Lisa as stuck with me through it all. True love involves being truly grateful for the object of your love.

True love involves actions taken to meet needs. Serving others has a double blessing. On the one hand having a need met by another is a blessing. On the other hand, being the one to meet the need of another gives meaning and purpose to our life. Non matter who you are, the action of serving another is what true love is all about. It is much less selective than choosing a Valentine because we are all gifted in one way or another to met the needs of others. Having your needs met by another is an affirmation of that person's worth and value, thus the double blessing! True love involves serving the best interest of the object of your love.

So, if you want to offer true love to another I offer these three suggestions

Listen to your love with compassion.
Find out what is causing pain or suffering and stay there holding that space of suffering together.

Speak to your lover with gratitude.
Find words that accurately reflect your gratefulness...
and share them generously.

Serve your love with kind actions that meet true needs... and act with enthusiasm.

While these suggestions are not typically found on a Valentine's Day card, the participation in truly loving others is tastier than chocolate, more beautiful than flowers, and more valuable than diamonds... Oo-la-la!

Archives

Dealing with Disappointment

Mike Patton, Bereavement Counselor/Spiritual Care

Health Benefits of Long-term Loving Relationships

Dr. Leslee B. Cochrane, Executive Medical Director

Health Benefits of Long-term Loving Relationships

Dr. Leslee B. Cochrane, Executive Medical Director

True Love

Mike Patton, Bereavement Counselor/Spiritual Care

Mike Patton,
Bereavement Counselor/Spiritual Care

Dr. Leslee B. Cochrane,
Executive Medical Director

Dr. Leslee B. Cochrane,
Executive Medical Director

Mike Patton,
Bereavement Counselor/Spiritual Care