Dear Friends:

Choice is a powerful thing. It profoundly impacts us on a daily level. We may choose to sleep in, and then get caught in that "next wave" of traffic. We may choose to check out the weather forecast before leaving the house, and be happily warm cuddled in the sweater we chose to wear. We may choose not to return that email that angered us right away, but to let ourselves calm down and avoid a misunderstanding. Some of our choices are less mundane: we may be making choices on the survival of a relationship or a career, or be making critical health care decisions about life changing treatments.

Choice is a powerful thing. Knowing that, I have come to believe in the phrase, "Your life, your choice." So many people suffer from what Vanessa Scotto calls "fear of selfishness syndrome';" that is, if we undertake an action based upon self-care, that others might think us selfish. We've been programmed, as humans, to hold in high estimation the belief that caring for others is more virtuous that caring for ourselves. In many ways, this is a truth which is a hallmark of being human. But when that is always all that we are doing, to the depletion of our own health and well being, we can be in danger. Self-neglect is the silent partner of a lack of self-care: which is why people who run support groups for caregivers encourage self-care as a primary action. A noteworthy 1999 Stanford University study reports that caregivers have a 63% higher mortality rate than non-caregivers: putting one's vital needs second and not refreshing one's mental, spiritual and physical well-being, can be deadly.

A quote by Parker Palmer captures the importance of embracing your life and your choice as a matter of self care: "Self-care is never a selfish act-it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on this earth to offer to others."We have more to give when we care enough to care for ourselves. Self-care is not selfish. Self-care, however, is a choice.

Choice is a powerful thing. Erica Cornwall writes, "Decide you want to thrive. That you deserve the best life possible and that you wan to show up as often as you can." This is your one life: what choices will you make that will let you live it to the fullest, and with great joy and love? How will these choices strengthen your ability to care for others, to make a difference, to be a better spouse or father or grandmother or friend? It is your life...and your choice.