December Newsletter 2022 - Hospice of the Valleys

Christmas is a special time of the year when we sing "You to the World"; but for many the stress and pressure of the holiday season tends to overshadow the joy in their world. If you would like to know how to add more joy to your life this holiday season here are some suggestions worth considering. One of the keys to experiencing joy more fully is to practice healthy habits that enhance joy more fully is to practice healthy habits that enhance joy while eliminating those negative habits that make you feel awful instead of joyful.

One excellent holiday habit to adopt is gratitude. Multiple scientific studies have demonstrated the overall health benefits of maintaining an attitude of gratitude. One of the interesting findings in these studies is that wealth does not bring happiness and joy. In fact, the most happy and joyful people were not the wealthiest; but rather those of modest means who remained grateful for what they have. in Addition to improving your emotional health, gratitude can also improve your mental health as well. An especially helpful benefit of gratitude around the holidays is that practicing an attitude of gratitude reduces depression and the tendency to over-eat. Giving is another excellent way to enhance your joy this holiday season. It has been said that it is more blessed to give than to receive and I find that to be especially true around the holidays. When we become preoccupied with ourselves, we miss the tremendous blessing it is to give to others. Practicing joy is a bit like practicing tennis, you have to be good at "serving" if you want to be successful! Giving does not necessarily mean buying presents, in fact, one of the greatest gifts you can give someone is kindness and understanding. Practice giving to others this year and you will be amazed at how it enhances your joy.

When it comes to identifying negative habits that end to steal joy, two come to mind: complaining and over-committing. In fact, much of the complaining I hear people do is because they have over-committed themselves and they now feel guilty and frustrated as a result. Learn to resist the temptation to say "yes" to every request and be more thoughtful and intentional when making commitments with your time. If you do so, you are more likely to enjoy those activities that you have committed to while at the same time avoiding the frustration created when you are overwhelmed by your over-commitment. Practicing an attitude of gratitude and giving to others will definitely add more joy to those around you while at the same time adding more joy to your world!

A dear friend who is enduring treatment for cancer spent the Thanksgiving week with their young grandchildren and returned with a cold. The fact that little children are known germ carriers would qualify the visit as risky...

Vulnerability is often mistaken for weakness, and is unfortunately too often seen as such in our culture. But the truth is that vulnerability is necessary for truly living life relationally. It often feels like fear, but again, leaning in your life. Like taking a risk to interact with an emotion that may erupt, or addressing a wrong committed against another, vulnerability is required.

Here is an example from the bereavement group: a widow was grocery shopping and picked up an item that she always bought because her husband liked it. Now she is standing with the product in her hand and tears are flowing down her cheeks. Her vulnerability to the grief reaction is undeniable, but her connection with her husband in that moment is powerful. It is not for us in the bereavement group to keep her from such vulnerable moments, rather to encourage the deep connection with her deceased husband and reaffirm the relationship that, in her case, included preparing his favorite foods.

It's the connection with others that holds the power of vulnerability. We are better able to connect with another when we are aware of and accepting of our imperfections, or, as I like to say, "nobody's perfect." I can utilize the power of vulnerability only as much as I accept the fact that I am human and fall short. Being vulnerable makes it much easier to be approachable and to approach others. I like bereavement author Megan Divine's phrase (and book title) "It's OK You're Not OK".

So, perhaps a shift in your perception of vulnerability is what is being called for. If you, like so many others, avoid vulnerability because of the perception of weakness, try leaning into your own vulnerability and asking yourself, "what are you here to teach me?" Chances are you will find that there is a relationship that needs tending to, or a wrong that needs to be made right, and your vulnerability will lead you to reconciliation with that someone or some form of personal reformation. Avoiding the uncomfortable feelings of vulnerability can also derail the efforts to make things better.

As we enter into the holiday season, consider embracing your vulnerability and learning where to make some good adjustments... like my dear friend who beamed with joy (and a deep voice) describing their visit with the grandkids as magical!

Adding Joyful Habits to Your World

Dr. Leslee B. Cochrane, Executive Medical Director

The Power of Vulnerability

Mike Patton, Bereavement Counselor/Spritual Care

Dr. Leslee B. Cochrane,
Executive Medical Director

Mike Patton,
Bereavement Counselor/Spritual Care