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Count Your Joys

 

By: Dr. Lynn Euzenas
Director of Spiritual Care & Bereavement Services

Dr. Lynn Euzenas - Hospice of the Valleys

Dear Friends:

Ukraine...could our hearts break any more? IN the struggled to wish that there was something...anything...that each of us could do to be of help or service, a book I am reading by Valarie Kaur provided a simple, profound answer:

"Joy is possible even amid great labors-the labor of dying, the labor of birthing, and the labors between. We cannot force it. But when we create moments to breathe between labor pains, and surrender our senses to the present moment, notice the colors and light and feeling of being alive, here, together, joy comes more easily. It is a felt sense in our bodies. In the face of horrors visited upon our world daily, in the struggle to protect our loved ones, choosing to let joy in is a revolutionary act. Joy returns us to everything good and beautiful and worth fighting for...Joy is the gift of love."*

My father entrusted me with an indelible teaching when he was dying: through pain and suffering he looked up at all of us and weakly said, "Count your blessings." Each year that I age I come to understand more and more the depth of that life lesson. I pass along a variation for all of us in this precarious historical time: count your joys.

Kaur is right: joy is the gift of love. I was gifted this week by my dear colleague, who shared a photo of himself holding his first newborn grandchild... a beautiful little girl. Joy radiated even from a JPEG on a smart phone screen. A man of words by profession, he was awestruck at the profundity of the moment. There are no words to describe the ineffable joy spilling over with love. Yet all understood.

Joy is meant to be shared. Joy comes in small and in large packages. It is ours, always, the gift of love, even in the most troubling times of our human existence. It can be accessed and brings hope: as Kaur noted it brings us "the colors and light and feeling of being alive, here, together." It reminds us always that life can be precarious, but each moment of it is always precious and to be lived fully. Count those moments of joy in your day. Count those moments of joy, especially in your moments of heartbreak or despair: that feeling of being alive, here, together is our lifeline.

Today I've counted the visitation of a hummingbird just outside my window, drinking quickly from the pink and white flowers on this normally non-descript shrub. I've counted the joy and abandon of Vivaldi's "Four Season". I've counted the joy of a true friend, asking a difficult question, the answer to which opened in to tears and relief and that 'feeling of being alive, here, together.' I've counted the joy of simply knowing joy, and its repeated gifts and revelations, in my life.

Count your joys, it is good for the tired compassionate heart, the longing to reach out and help and not knowing how, the restoration of peace.

In joy,

Lynn Euzenas

* Kaur, Valarie. See No Stranger.. A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love. New York: Penguin Random House, 2020.

What Happens Next?

 

By: Dr. Leslee B. Cochrane
Executive Medical Director

Dr. Leslee Cochrane - Hospice of the Valleys

As we begin to transition from the response phase of the Covid-19 Pandemic into the recovery phase, many people are beginning to ask, "What happens next?" Although no one can predict the impact that future Covid variants may have, one thing I can predict with confidence is that we will begin to experience the delayed effects of the psychological and emotional distress caused by the Pandemic. Although the medically frail and elderly were at the greatest risk of serious illness and death, no one has escaped the widespread unintended consequences resulting from the isolation and lockdowns implemented during the Pandemic.

School closures affected students of all ages, work closures had devastating impacts on small businesses and working class families and several studies have shown increased rates of depression, anxiety and drug overdoses during the pandemic. When we add this to the nearly 1 million people who died during the pandemic, virtually everyone was impacted in one way or another. The grief response is how people recover from these types of losses and may typically involve a wide variety of feelings ranging from emotional numbness to anger. People may also experience physical changes such as weakness, trembling, loss of appetite and difficultly sleeping. Although some people may cope very well following loss, it is more common to experience some degree of emotional and spiritual distress.

There is no "normal" length of time it takes to complete the grieving process. Grieving is a very individual experience that is influenced by a wide variety of factors. The grieving process is different for each person but typically begins with a deep sense of sadness, which at first may feel overwhelming. In normal grieving, over time the sadness slowly becomes less intense and is later associated with a sense of resolution and acceptance. For most people the grieving process will be slow and gradual. Feeling sadness a year after the loss of a loved one is quite normal, especially for those married for many years. Occasionally, normal grieving can be complicated by clinical depression that may warrant medical evaluation and treatment. If you are experiencing severe and disabling symptoms such as depression, sleep or appetite disturbance or difficulty coping that is not improving over time, I advise you to consult with your physician.

If you know of someone who has lost a loved one during the Covid pandemic, please let him or her know that Hospice of the Valleys provides grief support through various community support groups at no cost. If you would like more information about our bereavement support services, please check us out on the web at www.hospiceofthevalleys.org or contact our bereavement department during regular office hours, 8:30am - 4:30 pm, M-F at 951-200-7800 and a member of our bereavement team will be happy to assist you in finding the most appropriate type of support for you. Please do not hesitate to contact us if we may be of help to you or someone you know who has lost a loved one during the Covid-19 Pandemic.

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